The End

Life is really great till it's not.
Death is so far till it's here.
A battle isn't won till it's fought 
Courage always accompanies fear.
A soul isn't free till it's bought.   
And Heaven isn't clear till it's near. 
Hold on my dear..I'll be there in a day as soon as the Son chases the shadows away.
No more will I watch, grieve, or pray. Together we'll be and Together we'll stay.

Never Thought

20 years ago you could not have told me that I'd be standing here right now. 
If life could be linked to a person and seen in a flash, I would not have chosen you. 
But yet, here I stand..On mother's day. 
A woman who was never destined to give birth, stands next to her child, stands next to her daughter. 

A woman who loved a married man may have been forever marred from God's redemption and here I stand at the front of this little church. 
God called out to me in my time of wrongful and regretful decisions, he saw where love was needed and transformed my mess into a message of faith. 

I am a barren mother of four beautiful girls. 

I still recall that moment of prayer when the desire to have children left me, because God had something better in mind. 

My heart became lost in a false dream when I saw him and I was deceived, but do the consequences of my belief outweigh my benefits? 

There have been times where I have thought yes.. But as I stand, staring at my grandchildren in my son in law's church, next to my daughter.. I would say at the end of it all, no. No, they do not.

What Are You Doing?

Your fixin' to destroy your life what are you doing?
Your too young to think about being a wife what are you doing?
I never thought you'd cause me so much strife what are you doing?
I feel like I'm being shredded by your backstabbing knife what are you
doin?
I never thought this is the path you'd be choosen.
Why do you insist on sinking into ruin?
Why is your behavior so confusin?
Why do I feel like your someone I'm losin'?
Why does my heart ache from the bruisen?
Why do you act like your just crusin?
What kind of fiction are you pursuin'?
Spit out the chunk of lies your chewin?
Cause I don't want to be here for the viewin', you can't see things that
have been proven, but in the midst of all this abusin' I just have one question that
I can't help but keep producin'..
Tell me, please, tell me..What on earth are you doin?

Glasses

Pamela spent most of her life protecting her brother Joey who was always being bullied, that was what she absorbed herself in that is until 1986 when Pamala first fell inlove with Tommy Johnson the most popular boy in school. He was different than all the other dorky boys and, in her eyes, he could do no wrong. But Pamela was not popular like Tommy; she had frizzy hair, braces, and huge glasses with rose colored lenses that she’d bought years ago in an effort to make herself look cooler infront of Tommy.  But Tommy did not let anyone persuade him that Pamala wasn’t good enough for him and Pamela didn’t listen to any of the rumors that were spread about Tommy. For years Tommy hadn’t noticed her, and when he finally did one day he was manipulative and cruel when it came to making fun and teasing her infront of his friends but nomatter how many times Pamela cried herself to sleep she convinced herself she was lucky that he was even paying attention to her. And one day Pamela’s perseverance paid off when Tommy began treating her like a princess and almost overnight, they became the most talked about couple in the school and the happiest. 

        Tommy was perfect in every way when it came to how a boy should treat a girl and Pamela was unwavering in her love for Tommy. It was their six month anniversary of dating and Pamela planned to surprise Tommy that night at his house with flowers and movie tickets to his favorite film. Pamela knocked on Tommy’s door in her best dress, but she didn’t see anyone, though she stopped when she heard voices in the back and snuck around to investigate. In the darkness she saw the shadows of two people on the back porch, and she became so stunned by what she was hearing that her body became limp and when she turned to run away in a fitful exit, she tripped shattering her rose colored glasses.  

      ‘’This is all the money I have so please keep being good to my sister.’’

     ‘’Are you serious? This isn’t what we agreed on you little twerp. I told you it was either a hundred bucks a week or I’d go back to my old self. Or have you forgotten that the only reason I started being nice to your pathetic sister in the first place is because you begged me?’’